10.06.2005

Understanding the Decision

This story talks about a typical pro-life protest.

Nicole Clement, who is 38 weeks pregnant, used a lawn chair to help her make it through the hour as she held her sign. “Pregnancy shows how beautiful the gift of life is,” she said. “As someone who has had a child and is about to have another, I cannot understand the decision to abort.” (Emphasis mine.)

This misses the mark. I suppose that people who are just out to protest abortion really don't need to understand the in-depth reasoning involved when you do outreach to pregnant women, but then again, education needs to take place across the board regarding why women have abortions as well as why it is an understandable (although wrong) decision most of the time.

It's a slight shift of words - "I cannot understand the decision to abort" needs to be changed to "I cannot agree with the decision to abort," but at the same time, it's a major shift in thought. It goes from pitting "us" against "them" to allowing "us" to reach out a helping hand to "them." Because once you begin to understand the reasons why a woman might decide to abort, you get a little closer to being able to help. Women allow you to get a little closer to them when you don't start out the conversation by saying "I don't understand you and I never will" before even finding out what her situation really is.

10.04.2005

Being All Things to All People

At first glance, you might think it's impossible to be all things to all people. You might look at the title of this and think, "How can she expect me to be everything to everyone?" It might seem that you would be pulled apart, with nothing left of yourself to give. Isn't there a saying that says, "You can't please all of the people all of the time?"

It certainly does sound like a lot of work, and it sounds like it might even be confusing. But the apostle Paul says this in 1 Corinthians 9:19-24:

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Here it is in "The Message:"

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized--whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ--but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it! You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win.

What an important message! And it can be applied to the way we reach out to women who are considering abortion. Let's look at the broader lesson first.

First, we need to understand that we live with absolutes. There is a right, and there is a wrong. (I know that many of you don't believe that, but many do.) For instance, as Christians, we are taught that sex is only to occur between husband and wife. Period. No homosexual sex. No premarital sex. We're also taught that we cannot worship idols. Period. No kneeling down and praying to anyone else besides God. No elevating our prosperity above our faith in God. These are commands that God has given us for proper living, so that things may go well for us.

At the same time, we are allowed to have some freedom within these absolutes. (This is not to be confused with the free will that allows us to break even the absolutes.) The Bible does not instruct us on what to do in every situation that confronts us, although that sure would be nice at times! So when we are faced with a situation that there is no absolute for, we need to apply God's word, pray, and act in freedom. For instance, while we are not to "get drunk on wine," we have the freedom to drink alcohol. Some of us can choose to do that, while others will choose not to. Neither is wrong in this case.

In Paul's day, there was a bitter argument regarding whether or not it was right for Christians to eat the meat that was sacrificed to idols. While they could not worship the idols, Paul taught that they were free to eat the meat if they did not feel convicted to do otherwise and as long as doing so would not create a problem with others, especially the newer brothers and sisters. This means that we cannot just do whatever pleases us - as Christians, we need to always be looking out for the betterment of others. Paul discusses this in 1 Corinthians 8 and the first part of 1 Corinthians 9, and then he moves into the aforementioned verses. In these verses, Paul suggests that we make adjustments....that we adapt to circumstances.

How do we handle this freedom then? Paul does not mean that we can make adjustments to the moral absolutes. He clearly takes note of this by reminding us that he is not under the law or without the law. Compromise on these issues would not only be disrespecting God, but it would also be disrespectful to others, because it would teach them the opposite of what they are supposed to be doing according to God. Rather than making adjustments to the absolutes, Paul is suggesting that we make adjustments based on the culture and attitudes of the people we are with. We need to assimilate into secular culture as much as possible without jeopardizing our moral abolutes in order to reach the most people.

How come this is so important? After all, it's easier to do what feels natural and right to me as a Christian. Why would I want to step out of my comfort zone? Cultural issues are often very important to women and men who do not know Jesus. It's often all they have! From the places they go to the things they value, they often make their own moral compass, and this compass can change from time to time. Those who are without God are going to be able to hear your message of His love if you are able to relate to them somehow.

Think of a typical CEO trying to tell a criminal about God's love. How about vice versa? There would be a barrier there, wouldn't there? If the cultures are the same, chances are that the message will not be rejected just because of the messenger. Taking away the "noise" of various differences makes the message easily heard and understood. It keeps Christianity from becoming something that only Christians understand and opens it up to the rest of the world (which is what God wants.)

How does this apply to pregnancy outreach? Our culture tells people to look out for #1. It's a "me first" society. You're going to be dealing with a culture of selfishness. I believe that Paul's admonishment to act selflessly by becoming like "those not having the law" applies to us. He makes the point that he does not take on their way of life. He knows he belongs to Christ, and he acts accordingly. At the same time, he realizes that the people he works with do not have the law. (He didn't tell non-Christians that they could not eat meat that was sacrificed to idols, for instance.) He doesn't expect them to act the way that he does, and the way he befriends them is to think along the same lines that his society thought while still remaining true to Christ.

By thinking along the same lines as our me-first society, we'll be in a better place to approach women who are considering abortion. By not holding them up to our "law," we'll be able to approach them in a nonjudgmental way. I think if Paul were alive today, he would approach women not as a Christian and not as a pro-lifer. I think he would put himself into our society instead of standing outside of it, try to see things from the woman's point of view, and make his case against her abortion in that way.

Everyone runs. As pro-lifers, we're in a race to save the lives of the unborn and to help women to heal and be healthy. Run to win.

9.19.2005

More on Pro-life Christians Using Scripture

I'd love your thoughts on this everyone.

I'm always interested in the thoughts of others regarding the use of Scripture while we try to persuade women to choose birth. I've given my opinion and thoughts about this here. In short, I think that the crisis an unplanned pregnancy brings is not the appropriate time to talk to her about God unless (1) she asks or (2) she acknowledges that she is a Christian. Even at this point, I will try to draw out more of her beliefs before sharing Bible verses, etc., with her. I think that further down the road - that's the time to speak to her about God...once the crisis is over.

I wrote a popular website to ask their opinion. I didn't give them specifics about my ministry, just as I won't here. I shared my pro-woman approach. This is the response I received:

Let me say, first of all, that I appreciate so very much what you are doing to save the lives of unborn children. What a noble thing that is. Though I have great sympathy for what you are doing, I find it impossible as a Christian to divorce moral issues from the matter of God's existence and law. If the Creator of life is not brought into the equation, there is no logical way to really argue the case for the sanctity of life. No moral question can be argued effectively without appealing to God, for if there is no God, nothing is wrong. Man becomes his own lawmaker and whatever he chooses to do is right. One cannot argue, for example, that murder is wrong because it hurts the economy (or some other practical reason). There is a much more fundamental issue at stake.

Let me give you an example. There is a popular movement today called the "intelligent design" movement. The advocates of this view contend, and very effectively, that the universe cannot be the result of random chance. It is too intricately put together; it evidences "design." These men, however, are very careful never to mention "God" -on account of the prejudicial flag that such might raise. As noble as their motives doubtless are, there are seriously mistaken.

Paul, in his epistle to the Roman Christians, argued that when we do not give honor to God, as "God," we seriously err. Read Romans 1:21 especially. Perhaps you can give this matter some consideration.


So, I'm "seriously mistaken" too, I suppose. I haven't responded yet. But I have a few points that I'll make to this person:

- I don't usually make it a "moral issue" when I talk to women. Instead, I discuss their health, happiness, goals, dreams, etc. I agree that I couldn't make a statement of "abortion is wrong" without mentioning God, because that wouldn't make sense. Nor do I make a case for the "sanctity of life," even though I do believe in the sanctity of human life.

- As to the comment about intelligent design, I guess I don't draw the same parallel. I don't consider this a matter of teaching people about the unborn, God as the creator, etc. I consider this a crisis that needs to be averted. If someone was on a ledge ready to jump, would you toss them a Bible and tell them to open up to Psalm 23? Or would it make more sense to talk about the circumstances that brought the person to the ledge, his or her loved ones, why this would be a bad thing, etc? Perhaps after the person was off the ledge, we could have a discussion about his or her spiritual beliefs.

- Paul's letter to the Romans states: For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Hmmmm. I did make a point to mention to this person that my ministry is founded and rooted in prayer. I do not divorce God from my mission. My approach is strategic in that it allows many to pray for situations that are occurring with a woman, and each step taken to develop this outreach has been prayed over and is prayed over continually. I do glorify God and give thanks to Him. I'm no theologian, so I can't say what it is specifically that does not apply here, but something isn't right. I fall back on 1 Corinthians 9:19-23, which I did mention in my email and asked about. That went unanswered.

So, what do you all think? Is this just someone who doesn't understand the approach? Or is this person on to something? I'm interested in hearing your opinions.

Update - Here's the response I got back today:

Thank you for your note. You make some good points. I certainly don't have the "knowledge market" cornered relative to a complex subject of this nature. I appreciate what you are doing and pray that you continue to have success in saving the lives of precious babies.

9.17.2005

Encouragement and Advice from Mother Teresa

I came across some quotes from Mother Teresa, and I thought that a lot of them were incredibly poignant. Many of them can be used in the line of work that we do - ministering to abortion-vulnerable, abortion-minded, and post-abortive women. Enjoy these, and choose a favorite to reflect on for awhile. It'll do your heart good.

- Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.

- Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.

- I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, "Love one another as I have loved you." Ask yourself "How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?" Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery.

- When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.

- You who have received so much love, share it with others. Love others the way that God has loved you, with tenderness.

- Love does not measure; it just gives.

- Any country that accepts abortion, is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what it wants.

- Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.

- Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

- The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.

- There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.

- There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone's house. That says enough.

- We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

- We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

- Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness.

9.16.2005

The Impact of Others

I know that we often hear how very few women have an abortion for the needs of others - the pressure of others - and this may be what they tell people after the fact...when the deed is done and all they have is their own strength to get them through. However, before the abortion occurs, we really see some of the most manipulative behavior that human beings can display.

"He knows that I love him, and I know that he loves me. I just can't understand why if he loves me that he would put me through this when he knows how much it would effect me...I don't want to see him in pain. He said if I had the abortion we could go back to the way things were before, but if I kept the child, he wouldn't feel that he could trust me and didn't know if he would want to continue a relationship with me."

"I need their support to do this. So I need them."


The people who make up a pregnant woman's circle of support have much of the control over her decision to abort. I know that's not particularly PC to say, but it's the truth. Sure, it's the woman who ultimately chooses to have the abortion, but that is only after everyone whom she loves has failed her. How dare these people fail her when she needs their support and love the most? These women are driven to abort because of isolation, manipulation, (...he wouldn't feel that he could trust me and didn't know if he would want to continue a relationship with me), a low self-esteem, a desire to please, and the belief in a lie.

The biggest deception lies in the belief that things will be okay once the abortion is over. If a woman aborts for lack of support, she's still going to feel that lack of support after the abortion. That isn't going to go away. The pain that comes from that is going to magnified by the emptiness that was created by the abortion - the knowledge that she wasn't strong enough to stand up for herself.

The best that we can do in this situation is to try to take the place of the people who are pressuring her. Often, this isn't enough though. When you're facing rejection from your parents, your husband or boyfriend, and your close friends (who think you should do what your significant other wants), it would be hard to turn to strangers for the support you should be getting from your loved ones. Therefore, our outreach needs to extend to the her circle of support. We need to help them stand up for themselves by giving them the words to use to convey that their feelings are completely valid. We should also try to open up the discussion to those who are involved in the woman's circle of support. They need to be held accountable for their lack of support before the abortion occurs and given the reasons why abortion is wrong for their loved one.